The Juxtaposition of Carl

Carl won’t tell you this, but his 41st birthday is this week. I know he’s dreading the big Four - One, thinks it makes him an old man, but the truth is he’s a whole lot healthier than a lot of people half his age. I almost said he leads a healthier lifestyle than most people, but then I remembered the 80 hour work weeks he’s been pulling off for the last 15 years. Some may say this isn’t so healthy, but when you take Carl’s neurosis and obsession with putting out “perfect food, every time” into consideration, it seems pretty normal. For him, anyway.

Throughout high school and college Carl played football, worked out way more than the rest of us, and would consume something like 15 hard - boiled egg whites for an afternoon snack. He was a big, scary looking guy with a mullet, a fu-manchu and some unfortunate fashion choices. You didn’t want to mess with him.

Luckily, Father Time eventually aided in his ability to make better decisions when it came to dressing and grooming himself. But his eating habits haven’t changed much. Despite the fact that he is no doubt preternaturally talented when it comes to putting together flavors, some of the things that he actually feeds himself are nothing more than stomach wadding.

Take for instance his breakfast. I kid you not I have seen him put an entire bunch of swiss chard, almond milk, and protein powder into the blender along with a few other ingredients (wheat germ anyone?) and puree it to a drinkable consistency. No glass necessary; he will then chug it directly from the blender. Or how about his lunch on the go? A hot sauté pan is filled with egg whites, salmon scraps, and a few handfuls of spinach. Mmmmm, I know you’re getting hungry just thinking about it.

Despite his sometimes hilarious eating habits, Carl still has a sweet tooth. Lucky for him, I can bake. It has become somewhat of a tradition that I bake the boys in the kitchen a German Chocolate Cake on their birthdays. I knew however, that if I made one for Carl, he might have a tiny sliver, and then leave the rest up to Scotty, his sous chef, who can eat anything and still looks like the Million Dollar Man. Scotty could knock that thing out in one sitting, followed by a glass of milk.

I wanted to make something that Carl would eat and enjoy so I began looking for bran muffin recipes. After reading and trying what seemed like a trillion of them I came up with the following delicious, super healthy, and sugar free version of whole wheat oat bran blueberry muffins. These things are not only delicious, they are also chock full of protein, fiber, and vitamins.

Whole Wheat Oat Bran Blueberry Muffins
makes 12

oven 325

1/2 cup all purposr flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup + 1 tbsp agave nectar
1/4 cup oat bran
1/4 cup quick cooking oats
2 Tbsp ground flax seeds or flax meal
1/4 cup wheat germ
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 banana, mashed
1 cup fat free greek yogurt
1 egg
1 Tbsp olive oil
2 tsp vanilla
1 cup fresh or frozen blueberries, defrosted
1/2 cup chopped pecans

Combine dry ingredients in a large mixing bowl. In a blender, add the banana, egg, yogurt, olive oil, and vanilla. Blend until just mixed. Make a well in the middle of the dry ingredients and add all of the wet at once. Using a rubber spatula mix to incorporate. Fold in blueberries and nuts. Do not overmix. Divide among 12 sprayed or lined muffin cups. Bake for 15 - 20 minutes. Cool before eating. Store at room temperature in a ziploc bag for up to 2 days.